I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
