All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
