I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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