Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
