I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
