you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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