I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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