i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
