I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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