Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
