There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
