went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
