I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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