Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
