can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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