I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
