I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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