Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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