he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
