Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
