you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
