Pappa wants mamma naked
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
