Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You are a genius and a whore.
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