plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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