My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
