Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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