My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
