I'm going to jail i love you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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