And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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