I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
