I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
