Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
