bring money and cleavage
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She told me I should be a condom model.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
