he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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