well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
