may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
