Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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