K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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