You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
