I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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