We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
