just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
