So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
