I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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