What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
