My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
