Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
