i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
