I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
