If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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