so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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