why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He passed out mid-signature
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
