Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
