Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
